This past week I have been struggling with the fact that my wife and I need a ton of money in the next few weeks.
I don't know how we are going to come up with it.
So, of course, instead of waiting on God and trusting in Him, I have been worrying, stressing, and in all around despair as I tried to find it from my own abilities and resources.
Now my wife and I have different views on money. We have different philosophies and I have been focusing on those differences and I have been allowing satan room to get in my head and make me see things through a different light rather than the light of God.
I even have been trying to justify not tithing due to these monetary considerations.
Instead of giving to God and trusting in Him, giving to further His increase I have been worried about my own security.
Hence, I am human and given to the same worries and fears that I denounce in these posts.
Not until last night did I finally understand what's been going on.
It was then that I realized satan has had me in his grip and I allowed it. Tithing or robbing God was seriously causing me consternation.
I tithe, not for the hundredfold increase God promises, not because He will take away His blessing, but because if I do not then I have failed to further His work and His Word, and that is the obligation of each and every christian, and the source of our joy.
To spread the Word and the Gospel of Christ.
What finally did it for me? What was the final word of conviction?
Well, it was the final realization that God does not need my money. It was and is all His. I do not need money nearly as much as I need God and the fellowship I have with Him. I need the relationship unstrained, untainted, pure. My doubt, my worrying was putting a wall between my Lord and I.
Romans 2:21-24 KJV
21Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself? thou that preachest a man should not steal, dost thou steal? 22Thou that sayest a man should not commit adultery, dost thou commit adultery? thou that abhorrest idols, dost thou commit sacrilege? 23Thou that makest thy boast of the law, through breaking the law dishonourest thou God?24For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you, as it is written.
How can I, one who writes and disseminates, one who dares to try and teach, possibly set an example if I am not following my own words?
"Physician heal thyself" comes to mind.
God has my heart and today God has my money. For I find that money had become my "god" and not God, the Creator.
It had driven a wedge into my heart making me doubt all. However, God finally got through to me.
He is God. He is first.
He has my heart, I show this by giving myself and my money to Him.
He has my life, He holds all I own, it was His first. He doesn't need me, yet He has allowed me to be a part of His work.
All I have is His to do whatever will do the most good for His Glory, His Honor, His purpose.
Satan had me down, and almost out. Thank God His Word cut through the dark and shone the light.
It is all God's. Everything.
This is what it boils fown to for us as humans.
Luke 12:34KJV
34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also
My treasure is God's, most of the time. I am human but thankfully He accepts me when I fail. When I doubt.
He is a gracious Lord.
With me and my inadequacies thats a necessity.
Thank you Lord.
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